Its important to be mindful of social class differences and biases when marying each other

It is important to be mindful of social class differences and biases when marrying each other. Make no mistake, I don't intend to insinuate that folks from different social classes cannot marry or aren't compartable, however, in the event it happens, both partners need to factor the biases and beliefs that are natural to them —which the other party might not have— and find a way around them. Oga Madam comes from a place of relative abundance while I come from a place of relative 'humility' (remember humble background ba? Na am). Although our families belong to the same social class, hers is more in the upper part and mine on the lower boundary. It's not that bad sha, as we can afford jam and egg, but if egg finish before month end, na stories of the prophets we go use find consolation. Lol. Now to the point I'm trying to make. When we got married, ketchup was one of the items I'd include when buying groceries. Never mind that ketchup is not something always on the dining table when I was at home. Wait dining table dey sef? Anyway as par say I want mek me and oga Madam chop life well, I'd frequently buy it. Now the wahala is not in the buying, it's in the usage. I'd only use ketchup when eating potato chip. And I'd put so small a quantity as if it's a portion of my soul, and that by the last piece of potato chip, it has finished. Oga Madam on the other hand would pour so significant a quantity that sometimes it'd even remain after she has finished her meal. Not only that. She'd use it on other foods as fried yam, rice etc. Ahhh, which kind woman I marry? It was after a while I learnt that at home, they buy not pieces of ketchup, but a carton of it, and like you can make any number of cups of black tea in my home, in hers, everyone uses ketchup at anytime to eat everything. I could have asked her to go home and get some pieces for us, but the 'big boy' in me wouldn't approve of that. So upon realising that in terms of 'matters of ketchup' we don't belong to the same class, I later trained myself to comot my mind from anything ketchup at home. Whenever I'm buying, I know I am buying a 'life essential' for Oga Madam and I wouldn't mind how she uses it or how soon it finishes. As we progressed we both began to adjust to reality. As it is now, I don't remember when last I bought any piece, and I also don't remember when last she added it to the shopping list. Up Buhari, Up Jagaban 🤣. Now forget that I woke up feeling funny today. The real message I want to share with partners trying to get hitched is the importance of not just liking the person you're marrying, but also liking and identifying with their beliefs and experience. When you are in a relationship with a woman who works hard to create a better life for her family (parents and siblings), know that she may not change even after marriage. She could use her things and the things you give her to make her family happy. If this doesn't sound like something you are comfortable with, then you guys may not be compatible. You either end up seperating or in constant misalignment because you're thinking she's prioritizing her own family over you, or the family you created together. And the worst part is you're both right. You are only both reasoning from your experiences and beliefs. You fit give her her allowance and she uses it to buy iPhone 15 for her mama as a birthday gift. You that your mama is using Nokia 1100 Pro Max Flip, might see this as misplacement of priority. The same way, if the man you're trying to marry is the 'Father Christmas' (breadwinner) of their family, you must be willing to also be low-key 'Mama Christmas' or at least turn blind eyes to things he does for his family otherwise you'd live in constant competition with his family for whose bills get settled first and to what extent? Above all else —you can sha still go for beauty or money, but no be me advise una— be mindful of the mindset, belief and experience of the person you're marrying. Settling with a person whose experience you can relate with is important. And even 'importanter' is finding a partner with a mindset of abundance. I say this from experience. On days you have a lot, they don't hoard in anticipation of hard times, and in times of less, they don't unnecessarily bother because their mind is not fixated on scarcity; they're possibilitarians that live in the moment and adjust to reality. Thank you for making it this far. Now go and work on each others' mindsets. Signed: Your Low-key Relationship Advisor 29.10.23